Tuesday, July 31, 2007

just realised that my posts nowadays are full of my complaints.. harhar.. n this will be another one.. i think its the only outlet when i really do not know what to do, how to do and who to tell, regarding ALL the things i have to do!!

i wonder if im made to be a superman, to save the world.. crap.. haha.. too many things requiring my attention and it leads to slipshod work. i hate it!! mistakes n mistakes. things that shouldnt happen, happens.. haiz..

bad news received today.. burden extended for 10 more days. n its big day next week, i wonder how can i cope. im too tired to think. all i want is to sleep n sleep. expectations too high that i do not know how to meet.

maintaining the positive outlook.. harhar.. slowly ploughing through.. deep down in the valley.. is the end of the tunnel near? will i ever soar again?

speechless.................................................................................................................................................
L1v1nG 4 JeSuS at Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Friday, July 20, 2007

simple and yet complicated..

clouds that surround and obstruct the vision..

a longing for something so simple..

so near yet so far..

slowing down to a stop, i need to move on..

send a gust to blow away the clouds..

lead me to the light at the end of the tunnel..

the simple love that melts all hearts..

overwhelmed..
L1v1nG 4 JeSuS at Friday, July 20, 2007

Sunday, July 15, 2007

no idea what to blog.. nothing major happening other than the frenzy going on in SMU bcoz the bidding of modules has begun.. my schedule next sem is simply crazy, not sure how i will manage, but i know tat i can do it..

boss left for 2 weeks liao... n i would say tat im coping well with her not around.. getting used to it already.. admin stuff is more tiring then everything else.. but thank God got ppl to help me..

haiz, going for another 2 days of reservist on the 19th and 20th.. so boring.. faster clear it man!! arrgggh..

been oversleeping so much recently that setting alarms no longer work.. that goes to show how tired my body is.. haiz.. i need a rest.. i need a HOLIDAY toooooooo!!!!!!!
L1v1nG 4 JeSuS at Sunday, July 15, 2007

Monday, July 02, 2007

harhar.. yes, i have no idea what title to put as this is a mix entry with everything in it.. shall start off with my experience as the 1st time in reservist! it's somehow to linked to the end of the entry.. harhar.. long but nice..

180607-300607 was the time i spend in camp for reservist! at the age of 22, in fact, at this age, some people still haven even ORD.. harhar.. this reservist allowed me a nice break from whatever im doing, time to reflect and think of the next step.. i would say that it's a nice break to walk the longer journey.. i was posted to 731 SIR, a brand new unit for me, but really thank God for His grace and favor that i can integrate quite well with the people there.. in fact, they showed me interesting stuff, like how they are really willing to fight for one another, unlike in ATEC where everyone just cared about themselves.. it is this togetherness that draws me to them, n despite all the tough n stupid training, i think this is more than enough to make up for it..

in the 2nd week, went to this durian plantation.. a place where i really need God's protection when i sleep at night.. durians drop at night from the trees, so it's like an airstrike every night hearing the durians drop.. but that means we got fresh durians to eat every day! ate like 10 durians while im there.. shiok! haha.. something interesting i saw while training in the jungle.. that place was infested with ants as usual.. i was looking at them work when i felt God speaking.. Like y do the ants work so hard? bcoz they are focused on the goal, to stock up food.. how do they find their way around the big big jungle? i suppose its through following the ant in front on it.. each of them had the same goal, on the same path, doing the same thing.. why work so hard? bcoz they know what they want.. didnt really understand it then, but still, it's the beginning of something that God wants to tell me..

last friday morning, just felt that i need to bless my dearest daughter, rae.. harhar.. too bad, no azabu sabo.. next time bahz.. but through the dinner and fellowshipping with her, realised that she needs to get the book by Ulf Ekman, Church of the living God, for her SOT assignment.. so i went to get the book for her.. it was sold out so had to borrow it from my boss aka ZS.. haha..

n bcoz my boss is going away for holidays for ONE whole month, so we met up with her today.. for transformers!! super nice nice show man!! must watch it!! ok, that's besides the point.. as she passed me the book, she asked me to read a section of it.. dun rmbr the exact part, but something caught my attention..

The mandate and vision comes before the anointing.. No one can chase after it, it's given..

Mandate = an authorization to act given to a representative

the mandate and vision must be given to you, and when it comes, will u take up the challenge? or will you tell God that you are not ready? or will you do it grudgingly? when you begin to receive and accept the mandate and vision given to you, you will be like the ANTS!! on the same path as those who accepted the mandate given to them, focused on the vision that God has placed in their hearts.. when tat happens, you begin to serve with joy, happiness, and thankfulness..

really felt convicted as i read this, boss is leaving and i gotta take up the responsibility of the zone.. to help out and stuff.. not something that i truly desire but i have no choice as i have always been her right and left hand man.. harhar.. doing it grudgingly? i think to a certain extent, i fell into that category.. haha.. the mandate has been given now, will i take it up? there wasn't joy in serving in the past few months, but all that is going to change.. i need to be focused, on the vision, on the mandate given.. i need to expand my capacity, i need to accept the responsiblity that has been given to me.. only then the anointing will flow through me.. i made the mistake of praying just for the anointing, when all i need is to pray for a bigger heart to accept the responsiblity given.. i want to be like the ANTS, to be in the correct flow, to be so focused on the vision..

what am i going to do? i do not know, but all i know is that i need to learn to accept, to look at the goal ahead.. like what was said Transformers, "Without sacrifice, there will be no victory". keep the victory in your mind and all sacrifices will mean nothing.. i need to pray pray pray.. giving myself to prayer.. a bigger heart, a clearer and sharper mind.. teach me how to teach and pray, use me in any way you want.. give me the joy, the peace and the enlarged capacity..

One word and I will follow.. To the ends of the world..

Walking and more walking.. not grudgingly but with peace, joy and thanksgiving! It's a privilege, do not let it be taken away from you because you neglect it!!
L1v1nG 4 JeSuS at Monday, July 02, 2007