Sunday, August 03, 2008

i know i need to get this out of me if not, i wouldnt be able to sleep tonite.

Had a long long chat, i know i upset her, made her unhappy and stuff all these while since i became a Christian. Never knew that the grudge bore so deep. Maybe it was because of the way I react to the things that she do. Maybe it's just simply me.

I do not know why, but i could identify with the character Nelly. I felt it when she sang the song today. one of the verse was this, would you love me for who i am. and i know that it's something deep within me, that's hiding. maybe no one knows, coz all things looks ok on the surface. it surfaced tonite. yes, i do not understand.

how do you expect situations to change. by changing the situation or by changing yourself? I would love to change myself, but what will I do if changing myself is equivalent to losing myself. what am i suppose to choose........

i do not know if i will ever measure up to your expectations, maybe not, maybe yes, maybe never. what is really important to me? somehow, i do not know. all of a sudden, things feel so different, so strange. i thot i knew all along, but maybe i do not, or maybe i have gotten it all wrong.

things remain at a standstill, when the whole world waits for u to make that decision. it's so quiet. so silent. i know i will try.but i do not know when will i finally give up trying. will i ever?

im sorry if this post is emo, but this is my blog. dun bother asking me about this if you do not understand, for you wouldn't get a reply. just know that i will be fine. give me time.

L1v1nG 4 JeSuS at Sunday, August 03, 2008